You're kidding. Right?
I have spent this first retired summer telling everyone that the concept of retirement has not set in, yet. After all, there hasn't really been much of a difference between this summer and those thirty-five "summer breaks" that preceded it. I knew that I wouldn't notice the changes until school started up. I was right. Many of my friends and former colleagues are already back at work either officially or for trainings and meetings. I assume many of the teachers at Carson are already working on setting up their rooms for the coming school year. There were several cars in the parking lot when I passed by yesterday. So what am I feeling? As crazy as it may sound, I am jealous.
It is probably hard to explain what teachers feel this time of year to those who are not part of the education world. Most would assume that they are near suicidal as they watch the days of their glorious summer vacation dwindle down one by one. That may be true for that tiny percentage of teachers who have never been filled with the spirit of a "real teacher". The majority of them are not happy to see summer end, but are too excited about getting ready for the next year to even notice it. They are filled with a restlessness. Most of their thoughts are focused on decorating their classrooms and the new classroom management ideas and teaching methods they are excited to try with their new students.
I always loved this time of year. All of our efforts were focused on getting everything perfect for the first day of school. It was like rehearsing for the opening night of a play. Plus, we got to see our friends after a few months of separation. We got to hear about their travels, as well as their trials during the brief breaks that were given during our back to school trainings. We got to enjoy unusually long lunches together in restaurants. Yes, I truly loved this time of year.
Now, I feel like an outsider. I feel like a street urchin pressing his nose up against a window hoping to see what’s happening inside. I can only imagine, with the support of memories, the sense of excitement as the school is transforming from an unbelievable mess to a perfectly situated temple of education. I won’t be in there to see what new things the teachers have done to their rooms. I won’t be there to meet the new teachers. I won’t be there to work with my team setting up our room. I won’t be there for Meet the Teacher Night to experience that “dress rehearsal" atmosphere as students come to drop off their supplies and see who they will be spending the new school year with. I won’t be there to experience convocation in its new location. I won’t be there on the first day of school to experience that moment when the building is suddenly filled with a renewed sense of “aliveness". I won’t be there to greet those wonderfully excited faces of children who are starting their first or next year of school. I won’t be there for that first after school faculty meeting when they'll celebrate that they fed every child and got them all home safely.
I really did not expect this jealousy to happen. I expected to be much too preoccupied with thoughts of getting to sleep later, doing what I want, and not dealing with paperwork, meetings, or discipline issues. Am I so jealous that I wish I had not retired? Not at all. I also know from 35 years of teaching that the novelty of a new school year eventually starts to wear away. Don’t get me wrong. I still loved teaching, but the realities of too many meetings, too much paperwork, too much testing, and way too many things interfering with “teaching time" make it a lot less glamorous and start making teachers dream of the summer vacation to come. As a retiree, my summer vacation is year round. Now, who’s jealous?